Post by Admin on Jun 23, 2022 6:49:24 GMT
Taken from 'Dorset Dave's Chuckle Corner' in last season's home game matchday programme v Kings Langley-
Kings Langley is a historic village and civil parish in Hertfordshire, 21 miles northwest of central London, to the south of the Chiltern Hills and now part of the London commuter belt. It is approx 106 miles from Wimborne Minster.
Born in Kings Langley Christmas Day 1889, Christopher Cox signed up to the Bedfordshire Regt in September 1914. He was a stretcher bearer and was wounded on the first day of The Somme offensive 1916 but recovered to serve again later that year. March 1917 saw him near Bapaume northern France where his battalion advance was checked by machine gun and shell fire. It was here that he joined the exalted ranks of those awarded the Victoria Cross. To quote briefly from his Commendation: "Private Cox, utterly regardless of personal safety went out over fire-swept ground and single handed rescued four men from his own battalion and then went on to bring in the wounded of an adjoining regiment. On two subsequent days he carried out similar rescue work with the same disregard for his own safety. He has on all occasions displayed the same high example of unselfishness and valour" His VC is on loan to the Imperial War Museum. He died in Kings Langley in 1959 and is buried in the local cemetery.
The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning" Young Soldier "Thank you very much, sir"
After a long and tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train"."Yes, I know it's the 6:30 and not the 4:30 I promisd, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss" "No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life"."Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed." [ Eric doesn't use his phone in public any longer.]
I was invited to a fancy dress ball and decided to go as a tennis ball. When I went up to the bar I was served straightaway
I used to have a job in a factory putting orange juice in cartons, but I just couldn't concentrate
A mother cow was in a field with her 3 youngsters. She asked them what they wanted to do when they grew up. The first one said he wanted to go in the Army and be a big load of bull. The second one said he wanted to work and be a bull in a china shop. "And what do you want to do" the Mum asked the third one. " Well Mummy" he said " I want to stay in this field with you For Heifer and Heifer and Heifer"
Some green veg they don't serve in prison. There's no peas for the wicked
Two horses in a field. One said to the other - I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. The other one said "Moo"
I used a daffodil bulb instead of garlic when I was cooking. It made me ill and I had to go to Hospital. I asked the Doctor how long I would be in for. He said - " Don't worry, you'll be out in the Spring"
I took my hearing aid in for repair 3 weeks ago. Havent heard a thing since.
Why is the word abbreviation so long ?
I went into my local Greggs and on the counter there was a loaf in a cage. I said to the assistant - "What's that about then." She said " Oh, that's bread in captivity"
Why did the chicken cross the playground ? To get to the other slide
A Duck, a Skunk and a Deer went into a cafe for a meal. At the end of the meal the Deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a cent, so they both put the cost of the meal on the Duck's bill
I went to the Doctor and told him. I've discovered I can look into the future . The doctor said - when did this start - I said - next wednesday
The radio presenter asked the contestant what he did for a living. The contestant said he worked in a factory making chess pieces. The presenter asked if he was working that day. The contestant said - No, this week I'm on nights.
I asked the vet to cut off my dog's tail. He said " why do you want to do that." I said "Well my mother in law is coming round tomorrow and I don't want her to think she's welcome"
A man standing at the bar tells the barman " My wife made me a millionaire" "Oh really " says the barman "So What were you before"
The man said " A multi millionaire"
Kings Langley is a historic village and civil parish in Hertfordshire, 21 miles northwest of central London, to the south of the Chiltern Hills and now part of the London commuter belt. It is approx 106 miles from Wimborne Minster.
Born in Kings Langley Christmas Day 1889, Christopher Cox signed up to the Bedfordshire Regt in September 1914. He was a stretcher bearer and was wounded on the first day of The Somme offensive 1916 but recovered to serve again later that year. March 1917 saw him near Bapaume northern France where his battalion advance was checked by machine gun and shell fire. It was here that he joined the exalted ranks of those awarded the Victoria Cross. To quote briefly from his Commendation: "Private Cox, utterly regardless of personal safety went out over fire-swept ground and single handed rescued four men from his own battalion and then went on to bring in the wounded of an adjoining regiment. On two subsequent days he carried out similar rescue work with the same disregard for his own safety. He has on all occasions displayed the same high example of unselfishness and valour" His VC is on loan to the Imperial War Museum. He died in Kings Langley in 1959 and is buried in the local cemetery.
The Sergeant-Major growled at the young soldier: "I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning" Young Soldier "Thank you very much, sir"
After a long and tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train"."Yes, I know it's the 6:30 and not the 4:30 I promisd, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss" "No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life"."Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed." [ Eric doesn't use his phone in public any longer.]
I was invited to a fancy dress ball and decided to go as a tennis ball. When I went up to the bar I was served straightaway
I used to have a job in a factory putting orange juice in cartons, but I just couldn't concentrate
A mother cow was in a field with her 3 youngsters. She asked them what they wanted to do when they grew up. The first one said he wanted to go in the Army and be a big load of bull. The second one said he wanted to work and be a bull in a china shop. "And what do you want to do" the Mum asked the third one. " Well Mummy" he said " I want to stay in this field with you For Heifer and Heifer and Heifer"
Some green veg they don't serve in prison. There's no peas for the wicked
Two horses in a field. One said to the other - I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. The other one said "Moo"
I used a daffodil bulb instead of garlic when I was cooking. It made me ill and I had to go to Hospital. I asked the Doctor how long I would be in for. He said - " Don't worry, you'll be out in the Spring"
I took my hearing aid in for repair 3 weeks ago. Havent heard a thing since.
Why is the word abbreviation so long ?
I went into my local Greggs and on the counter there was a loaf in a cage. I said to the assistant - "What's that about then." She said " Oh, that's bread in captivity"
Why did the chicken cross the playground ? To get to the other slide
A Duck, a Skunk and a Deer went into a cafe for a meal. At the end of the meal the Deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a cent, so they both put the cost of the meal on the Duck's bill
I went to the Doctor and told him. I've discovered I can look into the future . The doctor said - when did this start - I said - next wednesday
The radio presenter asked the contestant what he did for a living. The contestant said he worked in a factory making chess pieces. The presenter asked if he was working that day. The contestant said - No, this week I'm on nights.
I asked the vet to cut off my dog's tail. He said " why do you want to do that." I said "Well my mother in law is coming round tomorrow and I don't want her to think she's welcome"
A man standing at the bar tells the barman " My wife made me a millionaire" "Oh really " says the barman "So What were you before"
The man said " A multi millionaire"